You're fired

If I were in charge, this transcriptionist would be fired:


If you can just deliver what your brand [promises/promise is 4:56] and execute it really well, you’re already such a long way to establishing a loyalty.


You can't figure out whether it's "promises" or "promise is"?! Only one of them makes sense. This isn't difficult. Do your job. Seriously.

Commas save lives

When you're talking to someone, always put a comma between what you say and that person's name. This shows that you're talking to them rather than them being a part of the sentence. Observe:

You look like a cheap French harlot, Amy. 


See how we have the comma to offset "Amy"? This is because we don't necessarily need her name in there for this sentence to make sentence. We could remove her name without changing the meaning of the sentence. It makes it less clear who looks like a cheap French harlot, but the meaning is still the same.

Here's another:

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.


Again, we could take out his name, and the sentence would not change in meaning. The comma is there to signal that we are talking to someone and that Mr. Grinch is not actually part of the sentence.

Here's why you need this:

Hugo: Is this your favorite luncheon meat?
Vorelli: It is Hugo.


Because there's no comma before "Hugo," we have to assume that he's part of the sentence, not that Vorelli is talking to Hugo. Instead of saying, "It is," and confirming that this is indeed his favorite luncheon meat, this indicates that Vorelli's favorite luncheon meat is Hugo. We can all see how this makes no sense. His favorite luncheon meat could be ham or bologna, but it's probably not Hugo.

Of course, there's also this classic example of the difference that can be made by one simple comma:

Let's eat, Grandpa!
Let's eat Grandpa!

Facebook win!

Remember how I posted that link yesterday about responses to stupid Facebook posts? This one should be on there.

What the hell is punctuation day??? My planner says its tomorrow. Please someone tell me what it is lol

 ·  · Reshare · 14 minutes ago via mobile · Privacy:

• • 
    

     What the hell is punctuation day? My planner says it's tomorrow. Please, someone tell me what it is.
    
    There ya go ;)

Totally makes my day.

It makes science sense, I guess

This was all me and evidence of why transcriptionists should proof their work:


I was wearing myself out and acidiphying my body.


"Acidify" is definitely a word. I guess I thought I should make super sure everyone knew acidifying has to do with changing the pH.

And many more

Okay, this goes on forever, and I know there's a whole Failbook thing, but my sister sent me this and some of them just crack me up. I wish I was just a bit crankier so I could respond to people's posts like this. If you're bored, take a look.

http://www.happyplace.com/3645/the-best-obnoxious-responses-to-misspellings-on-facebook

For the last time

PEOPLE ARE WHO, NOT THAT! YOU CANNOT SAY "THE PERSON THAT ___." THIS IS INCORRECT. STOP DOING IT!


Thank you.

Not a very good teaser

This is a headline from the Weather Channel's website:

Madison Ranks in Top 10 Worst Fall Allergy Cities

Okay, neat. Now here's the little teaser underneath:

The Weather Channel teamed up with the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America to rank the country's fall allergy hot spots. Where does Madison rank? To find out, read more.

Um, I'm going to go ahead and make the assumption that Madison ranks in the top 10 of the worst fall allergy cities. I think I read that somewhere.

Wrong "your"

From the transcript I'm editing:


Do you want to be in front of your behind the camera?


I know I want to be in front of my behind. 

Waiting at the bush stop

A headline from one of our local news stations:


Prosecutor: No Charges Against Driver After Fatal Bush Crash


This is an excellent teaser because I had no idea what they were talking about. The driver ran into a bush and killed it? Riveting! But here's the first sentence:


Officials with the Dane County District Attorney's Office said on Monday that they won't be filing any criminal charges against a Madison Metro bus driver in connection with a fatal crash last June


Oh, I get it. It was a crash involving a Metro bush driver. That makes perfect sense.


They've updated the site already since I started writing this post.

Apologies for my absence

I've been woefully negligent of my poor grammar blog lately. I apologize. It's been a long couple of weeks here, what with life and stuff.

And as if that weren't enough, now I'm worried about getting raped by my lip gloss.

Free hat!

Title of a job listing:

Proofreader - Free Lance

Any job where you get a free lance has to be good.

The Finland

When you're feeling a little down, there's nothing like an email from a friend to cheer you up. Especially when that email contains this:


Still, the Finland has much to recommend it, and West Virginia appears to have zeroed in on some of the best, said Di Carlo. As for the rest of the United States, however, he is not so sure.


I don't even know what this was trying to say. To be fair, "the Finland" is just too much for my brain, and I'm pretty sure I can't get through the sentence without giggling. So maybe it makes some kind of sense and the laughing just drowns it out. 


I hope CNN never gets editors.