Getting hit by a bus

This is not a funny story. It's actually really sad that some lady got hit by a bus and died. However, I know this will make us all tune in to our local news tonight:

Just in: Here's an update to the deadly bus/pedestrian accident last week in downtown Madison. We've learned the Metro bus driver has been issued a traffic citation: Failure to Yield to a Pedestrian.


Now that is some brilliant reporting, guys.

Lay vs Lie

Lay means to set down. I am going to lay the book on the table.
Lie means to recline. I am going to lie in bed all day.
Laid is the past tense of lay. I laid the book on the table.
Lay is the past tense of lie. Yesterday I lay in bed all day.


Confused yet?

Burninating my windows

I bought some window markers yesterday so maybe the birds will stop running into my windows. When faced with what to draw, of course this seemed like the only logical answer:



I don't really understand this, but it makes me giggle.

The undead

A teaser for one of our local news programs:

‎15 people have died from Heroin Overdoses so far this year, and the number is only expected to grow

No snarky response necessary.

What it is that makes this post verbose

I'm trying to figure out what it is that makes Alex Gonzalez a better shortstop than Yunel Escobar.


You do this when you're talking. I guarantee it. I do it too. In this sentence, I really want to put emphasis on determining that thing that makes Alex Gonzalez the superior athlete. So I say "what it is that" makes him better.

The problem with this in writing is that it's wordy and confusing. Try reading it aloud. It's likely you'll stumble over it because it just doesn't look right. When you're speaking, the "what it is" part puts emphasis on this intangible thing that you're trying to determine, but in writing it's just extra words that don't add to the sentence and make it more difficult to understand.

I'm trying to figure out what makes Alez Gonzalez a better shortstop than Yunel Escobar.


See how smooth that is? It reads better, you won't stumble over the extra words, and you didn't change the intention of the statement. This is another example of something you can say that just doesn't work in writing.

I think I'm about done with this

Being an editor, I deal with stupid people and stupid mistakes all day long. It's kind of my thing. But sometimes it gets to me, like when I have a five-page interview that looks like it was transcribed by a deaf person. Here's my friendly advice to the transcriptionist on this one:

Delirious

Do you ever have those things you just like for no reason? I do this with music sometimes. For example, I really love the band Augustana. There is no logical reason for this. I mean, they're fine and all. They're fantastic live. It's just that they're not really that great, and I couldn't give you any particular aspect of their music that I like. For some reason I just really love them.

I also feel this way about the Braves shortstop, Alex Gonzalez. No logical reason I should like this player. I could strike him out. I could get Chuck James to strike him out. But for some reason I love this guy.

My other confusing one is my love of brightly colored nail polish and eye makeup. Makes absolutely no sense. I bite my nails, so nail polish doesn't last too long. I don't usually wear any makeup, and if I do it's very minimal. So why the hell am I obsessed with these things?

Just a random observation because I really don't feel like doing any real work. 

" ≠ italics

These are quotation marks: “” They’re your friends when you’re recounting a tale of adventure, such as so:

So I says to Mabel, I says, “I was wearing an onion on my belt, which was the fashion at the time.”

Intrigue! Suspense! Direct quotation of something someone said! Quotes are your guys.

Here’s when you don’t use quotation marks: in place of italics. I know you really want to emphasize a certain word, which is usually the point of italics:

I really hate it when people use quotes instead of italics.

However, consider the following sentence:

I “really” hate it when people use quotes instead of italics.

The quotation marks indicate that the speaker doesn’t really mean that or they’re quoting someone else who they think is a moron. In this case, it makes it sound like I don’t really care about the use of quotation marks in place of italics, which we all know is untrue.

So what do you do instead? I don’t know. Something else. Some people use asterisks, some people put the word in all caps, and some people just alter their tone to produce a more even effect throughout the sentence. Take your pick, or come up with something on your own that isn’t stupid. Using quotation marks in place of italics is decidedly stupid. 

New golden rule

I've decided on the first rule of writing: always proofread. This is especially true of transcriptionists. You may think you heard the word right, but if you read it again, perhaps you'll come to a different conclusion. Observe:

I think the problem with where I get bogged down is that people don’t take their clothes off and set their purses down before they come in.

I'm willing to bet "clothes" wasn't the word they were going for here.

But good try.

Quick take

"Fields reserved from 4:30 to 8:30 for girl's softball."

I feel bad for the girl who's out there playing softball all by herself.

Slim-fast

I fairly recently changed my Facebook status to "engaged," so of course I'm getting hit with a massive number of bride-oriented ads. They're mostly harmless. I ignore them because they're stupid or giggle at them because they're really stupid, and then I move on with my day. 

This morning, Facebook hit me with this one from Slim-fast: "All brides should do this!" Yes, all brides should diet and lose weight before their weddings. 

Okay, I know obesity is an epidemic in America, but so is poor self-esteem. Do we really need ads like this? Really? Every woman needs to diet? Come on now. I know some women go nuts with the pre-wedding diet bullshit, but some of us just want to look like ourselves. 

Thank you, Slim-fast, for telling me that I am unfit for marriage in my current physical state. I must change if I truly want to be desirable. What a fantastic message. Thanks for that.  

It's Friday, Friday

So please enjoy this lovely film!

People are who

I know you all think I'm this crazy comma nazi who runs around screaming at the world's comma abusers. Wrong. I usually giggle to myself in silence. Anyway, there is something that bothers me far more than comma misuse. It's a very simple rule that I know I've talked about before.


People are who
Things are that

Get it? Not hard. If you're talking about a person, they're a who, not a that. If you find yourself writing something like, "She's the one that..." stop. No. She isn't. She's the one who did whatever you're talking about. People are who.

This is one of those ones where I don't care if you do it in conversational speech. That's fine. I probably do it too. However, in professional writing, there is no excuse for getting this wrong. This is a mistake that pisses me off more than anything because I'm a person who notices incompetency. Do you see how I did that there? Mistake is a that. I am a who.

And a person's a person, no matter how small.