What it is that makes this post verbose

I'm trying to figure out what it is that makes Alex Gonzalez a better shortstop than Yunel Escobar.


You do this when you're talking. I guarantee it. I do it too. In this sentence, I really want to put emphasis on determining that thing that makes Alex Gonzalez the superior athlete. So I say "what it is that" makes him better.

The problem with this in writing is that it's wordy and confusing. Try reading it aloud. It's likely you'll stumble over it because it just doesn't look right. When you're speaking, the "what it is" part puts emphasis on this intangible thing that you're trying to determine, but in writing it's just extra words that don't add to the sentence and make it more difficult to understand.

I'm trying to figure out what makes Alez Gonzalez a better shortstop than Yunel Escobar.


See how smooth that is? It reads better, you won't stumble over the extra words, and you didn't change the intention of the statement. This is another example of something you can say that just doesn't work in writing.