Nother

If you listen to people, you'll notice the word "nother" seems to be in high circulation these days. "That's a whole nother ballgame." "That's a whole nother conversation." You get the idea. Here's the problem with that: "nother" is not actually a word.

Technically, I suppose what they're saying is, "That's a-whole-nother ballgame," because really, "whole" is interrupting the word "another." It's like in Anchorman when the one newscaster gets his other arm bit off and says, "This is getting to be ri-goddamn-diculous." We all realize that he was saying "ridiculous" and stuck the profanity in there for the sake of comedy. I'm not so sure we all realize this with the not-word "nother."

Ugh

When you're writing creatively, you kind of have to put all your editor tendencies aside and just get something down on paper. Even if it's horrible, you can always go back and edit later. If you try to edit while you go you'll never get anything done. I've learned this over the years.

The problem is that when I have writer's block, my "just get something down on paper" writing gets pretty rough. Basically, it consists of dialog, people looking at things, and pauses. Apparently writer's block zaps me of the ability to describe things. It's actually pretty funny, if a little sad.

I just keep reminding myself it worked for Stephenie Meyer.

Is your tea on ice, or is your tea ice?

Here's another one that people screw up all the time. In fact, product labels even screw it up sometimes. Check it out:

I'm having a nice glass of ice tea.

Here's where the problem comes in. What are you saying? Are you saying your tea is ice, or do you mean that your tea is on ice? I'm going to bet it's the second one. "Ice tea" would imply that the tea is actually made of ice. It's just like ice cube (a cube made of ice) or ice queen (a queen made of ice...metaphorically). 

That/Who

A person is a who, not a that or a which. This is a big one for me. I'm not sure why, but it drives me nuts, and nobody seems to get it right. Let's demonstrate.

My sister is the person that gave me a cookie.

By using "that," I have effectively dehumanized my sister. While in theory that's entertaining, it doesn't make for a very good sentence. The correct sentence would be:

My sister is the person who gave me a cookie.

My spell check totally just made my day

Let's all take a moment to revel in this. When I type "DVD's," my spell check doesn't recognize it as a word. But when I type "DVDs," there are no such problems. Bob the Angry Flower would be so proud.

Is is

Usually I don't pick on how people talk. Okay, that's a lie. I make fun of people all the time, including myself. "And then I'm like, 'Whoa,' and then he goes, 'I know, right?' And then she's all like, 'Yeah right.'" What did I just say? Nobody knows. When did the words "like" and "go" become suitable synonyms for "said"? I'm totally confused by why we all talk like that. Of course, I guess the alternative might be, "So I says to Mabel, I says..." Perhaps that wouldn't sound as stupid.

Awesome little factoid!

Remember how you always have to put a comma before the word "too"? Well, not anymore! That's right. It's been officially declared unnecessary by the Chicago Manual of Style folks. Are you thrilled? Me too!

I've got one for you today

The title was a clue. Get it? 

Here's the deal. You don't say "have got." Just don't. Say "have" and be done with it.

We'll start with an easy one

English doesn't make sense. Don't even try to make it make sense because sometimes it just doesn't. Seriously.

"Lead" is not the past tense of "lead." Lead is an element. Its chemical symbol is Pb and its atomic number is 82. You cannot say, "She lead me to the cookies." I know you really want to because "read" is the past tense of "read," but just don't do it. 

There's a separate word for the past tense of "lead." It's "led." It's perfectly acceptable to say, "She led me to the cookies," provided, of course, that there are cookies involved. Or if you can't remember that, don't even bother with it all. Just say, "I followed her to the cookies." Problem solved.

You learned something today. And now I want cookies.

Let's Kick It Off

Welcome to my blog, in which I complain about grammar and people who don't know how to write. I'm an editor, which means I sit around all day reading people's horrible writing and attempting to make it sound somewhat less stupid. I do all this while screaming obscenities at my computer screen. Then I later apologize because really, it's not my computer's fault that people abuse the English language.

So go ahead. Send me your best examples of grammar and/or writing atrocities, and I'll be happy to post them and make fun of them (when appropriate). Alternately, you can send me your grammar or style questions, and I'll happily address those as well.