Wait, wait, wait

You all know you're saying "would have," right? You're not saying "would of." That makes no sense. Technically, because we like to combine words to form new, fun contractions, you're probably saying "would've," which is a contraction of the words "would" and "have."

But you know that, right?

I think I should make this 3:30 thing a regular occurrence

Mostly because I just spelled "occurrence" right.

Is not doing something news?

I read a headline this morning that said:

No one is hurt after a vacant house explodes in Kenosha

Really? You might as well have said:

No one cares that a vacant house exploded in Kenosha

A rod is playing third

I'm sure this mistake has been made about a bazillion times before (side note -- my spell check didn't pick up "bazillion" as a non-word. This disturbs me), but I just saw this headline, and it made me laugh out loud.

Cameron Diaz Is Back in Her Bikini For a Hawaiian Getaway With A Rod!

Hi, my name is

Wrong. 

Correct: Hi, Cornelius.

This statement is directed at Cornelius. When you say, "Hi, my name is Cornelius," are you talking to an entity known as "my name is Cornelius"? It's likely you are not. Unfortunately for nametag manufacturers everywhere, "Hi" is actually its own sentence. You're trying to join two complete sentences with a comma. This is morally wrong.

I know everyone does this wrong, and I will not mock you if you continue to follow the incorrect precedent society has set for us. I just wanted you to know the truth. 

Is it just me...

Or does Tony Dungy kind of look like Skeletor?

Oh my god it's everywhere

Okay, so you know how I posted about the whole who/that thing driving me nuts? Well, it's everywhere. EVERYWHERE! And of course ever since I posted it, I've been noticing it more and more. It's like those Magic Eye things; once you realize it's there, you can't not see it.

Who = people
That = things

And this will NOT lead to a Scalia argument about how corporations are people but women are not because that, of course, is bullshit.