Is not doing something news?

I read a headline this morning that said:

No one is hurt after a vacant house explodes in Kenosha

Really? You might as well have said:

No one cares that a vacant house exploded in Kenosha


I understand that if you live close by, it's nice to have this kind of update so you know everything is okay, but things not happening or not affecting people are usually not news. Here's another one:

Woman, 80, doesn't fall for scam

It's great that some oldish lady was smart enough to notice a scam and not fall for it, but is this news? This probably happens to old ladies all the time. Should we really be writing news stories about things that didn't happen? 

Cranky Grammar Chick doesn't point out obvious grammatical error
Chicken doesn't cross road

Ray Lewis didn't see nothing

OJ Simpson didn't kill those people


Okay, those are all stupid examples because it's 4:00 in the morning and things are really funny at that time of day. But you get my point.

Or maybe the real problem is poor journalism. I'm not a journalist or a marketer, so writing catchy headlines isn't exactly my thing (I'm much better at criticizing them), but wouldn't these sound better?

Everyone safe after house explodes in Kenosha
Woman, 80, foils scam artist
Cranky Grammar Chick lets otherwise unnoticed grammatical error slide
Chicken chooses to stay on this side of road


You're saying the exact same thing, but in a more interesting, less stupid way.

Thanks for reading. Now I'm gong to go not fall for a scam and see if I can get on one of the local news channels.