Sigh.

Today's book is probably a mystery or something. Pretty sure I'm trying to solve the mystery of what the hell is going on. So far, nothing.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share this because it's so unique.

Her past, like her shadow, was always with her.

Combine that with using smarted as a synonym for said, and basically I hate you.

Welcome back, I guess

I'm about to embark on my first project in over a month. Apparently the author is just as excited as I am because his book title has an exclamation point in it. Seriously. 

So that's kind of a bad sign. Also a bad sign: his biography.

[Author] was born on a dark and stormy, cold and wintry night in1956, the scene fittingly and fleetingly lit by powerful and blinding flashes of Lightning, almost immediately followed by the deafening rapid cannon-fire explosions of Thunder. His sweat soaked and red-faced mother looked down upon her new-born son for the first time with a gentle, smiling and tender look, and then screamed!

I often debate the appropriateness of swearing profusely on my blog because I feel like I should probably be able to come up with more creative ways of expressing myself. But then sometimes this happens.

Fuck. Seriously. Just...fuck.

Or you could just say this

When people don't know how to write emotions, they rely on tired, overused, often melodramatic cliches. Some variation of this one occurs in pretty much all bad books:

He screamed in anguish, "Why me?"

Of course, this makes me wonder why we don't all just use this video instead:

It's so much more subtle.

Today's book

You know it's going to be a great book when it has an Epilouge. Especially when the book is nonfiction, which means it probably shouldn't have either an epilogue or an epilouge. Here are a couple other choice awesomnesses:

He threw his right leg as he slowly walked to his seat on the bench and thought pensively.

This is a great mental picture. I hope it was a peg leg. Also, I'd be interested in knowing at what time his thinking was not pensive.

After the UCLA win, the Cats had a lot of confidence going into the USC game from the UCLA game.

This is how the book is written. Sentences circle around each other until we all get very dizzy.

I have the upmost respect for him.

Right. This respect is definitely the most up.

This book also speaks in awesome sports cliches. The interesting thing about these cliches is that while they sound lame when you say them, they sound downright stupid when you read or write them. Observe:

He knew how to take the ball to the hoop.

So let me get this straight. The recruiting strategy was to find high schoolers who understood how to take a ball to a hoop. That really narrows it down.

He was a player.

Yes, I'm sure the young man on the court wearing your team's jersey was a player. But was he a good player? That remains to be seen.

Sidenote: I looked up "threw his leg" to try to figure out if this was something I simply didn't understand. The first hit was the Wikipedia page for Bill Buckner.

Google for the win.