Slow news day, I guess

Here's the main headline from one of our local news affiliates this morning:

Insurer: Car-Deer Collisions In Wis. Dip 1 Percent

A whole 1%? Well, damn. I guess we'd better write an article about such a statistically significant event!

Not a very good teaser

This is a headline from the Weather Channel's website:

Madison Ranks in Top 10 Worst Fall Allergy Cities

Okay, neat. Now here's the little teaser underneath:

The Weather Channel teamed up with the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America to rank the country's fall allergy hot spots. Where does Madison rank? To find out, read more.

Um, I'm going to go ahead and make the assumption that Madison ranks in the top 10 of the worst fall allergy cities. I think I read that somewhere.

Waiting at the bush stop

A headline from one of our local news stations:


Prosecutor: No Charges Against Driver After Fatal Bush Crash


This is an excellent teaser because I had no idea what they were talking about. The driver ran into a bush and killed it? Riveting! But here's the first sentence:


Officials with the Dane County District Attorney's Office said on Monday that they won't be filing any criminal charges against a Madison Metro bus driver in connection with a fatal crash last June


Oh, I get it. It was a crash involving a Metro bush driver. That makes perfect sense.


They've updated the site already since I started writing this post.

Huh?

One way on Willy Street learn more about the project that could snarl traffic and impact businesses.


Could you please rephrase that in the form of a thought that makes sense?

Today's headline

What's Wrong With My Snake?

Fun with headlines!

I've decided to dedicate an entire section to errors in headlines. A headline is the single most important part of a news story. If you have a shitty headline, no one will read your article. You'd think people could at least stop to edit their headlines, if nothing else, but alas, this is not the case. Today's edition:

Yemen's defies calls for him to quit. 

I actually had to read this a couple of times to figure out what it was trying to say. Is there a word missing? Is "defies" supposed to be a different word? Should the writer have spent 0.5 seconds double-checking his headline before submitting his story? 

If you come across any awesome headlines or other atrocious writing, send it my way so I can share in your joy or wrath or whatever emotion other people's failure brings you. GrammarChick at gmx.com

Well, there was that one time...

I really enjoy this first line from a sales letter:


Have you ever wanted to create your own online empire?


It's like asking, "Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?" or "Have you ever shot a man in Reno just to watch him die?" These are one-time events. That's usually what "ever" indicates in these sorts of questions. I imagine a conversation like this:

I'll chalk it up to a bad day

Check out this headline:


3 Egypt ex-ministers oredered arrested. 

This was on CNN's front page before the fold. I can't type "oredered" without it being underlined in red, and it's automatically corrected in any Microsoft program. So if you're working for CNN, perhaps this is one you should catch before it goes to print. I'm just saying.

Here's some advice:

First rule of writing: always run spellcheck.

Second rule of writing: if you screw something up, someone will notice. My spies are everywhere.

Thanks to the spy who pointed this one out to me!

Is not doing something news?

I read a headline this morning that said:

No one is hurt after a vacant house explodes in Kenosha

Really? You might as well have said:

No one cares that a vacant house exploded in Kenosha

A rod is playing third

I'm sure this mistake has been made about a bazillion times before (side note -- my spell check didn't pick up "bazillion" as a non-word. This disturbs me), but I just saw this headline, and it made me laugh out loud.

Cameron Diaz Is Back in Her Bikini For a Hawaiian Getaway With A Rod!