Dashed hopes

Whenever I get a new project, I get this little rush of excitement. Maybe this will be a good one! Maybe this time I won't get mad and scream at the computer monitor for two weeks straight! Then when I read the client questionnaire and it's written in complete sentences and includes legitimate questions and concerns about the book, I get even more excited.

And then I open the file and briefly scroll to a couple of different pages throughout the book, just to get an idea of what I'm looking at.

That, my friends, is when my hopes are dashed on the rocks like a thing that is dashed on a different, harder thing.

A very basic first glance of this one includes one of the characters being referred to as:

the tall woman
the brunette
the CEO
the six-foot-tall woman
the brave woman

Yes, I now know that my main character is female, brunette, six feet tall, and the CEO of some company.

I also know I'm going to hate this book, as it's likely written by someone who thinks she can write because she owns every Dan Brown book.

The editor's excitement had faded like color fading from an old photograph that once had color in it.

Pronouns? The cranky blogger thinks not!

Here's a list of some of the terms used instead of "he" to describe just the main character of the book I just finished editing. Just the main character. And just before I got bored of copying and pasting all of these. Enjoy!

Aviator

Flyer

Pilot

Salty Flyer

Young aviator

Student aviator

Promising student

Graying officer

Confident flyer

Navy fighter pilot

Nascent aviator

Salty sailor

Naval officer

California native

Fighter

Senior officer

Senior flyer

Junior pilot

Junior officer

Senior reserve officer

Navy officer

Relieved pilot

Young officer

Wolfie

Former aviator

Officer

Neophyte aviator

Former pilot

Navy reserve officer

Usually confident flyer

Part-time navy reservist

Full-time civilian attorney

Captain

Resurrected bachelor

Suddenly sheepish gentleman

Reserve officer

Most senior reserve officer in the state

Twenty-five-year-old pilot

Forty-four-year-old former pilot

Perpetual bachelor

Soon-to-be fighter pilot

Partygoer

Nervous pilot

Promising fighter pilot

Astutely diplomatic pilot

Newly anointed Tomcat carrier pilot

Usually confident officer

Experienced aviator

Young lieutenant

New shell-back

This one's doing it too!

Thanking the older officer, the excited officer tried not to gun the engine.

How do writers look at this and think, "Damn, I'm a genius"? There's no word other than "officer" that you could have used for one of these?

Like a fucking pronoun? Just a suggestion.

Her and me

This is actually one of those ones people really struggle with, but it's not so tough once you figure it out.


Her and my grandfather were married for 50-some years.


First of all, you know it's wrong because it breaks my Golden Rule of Editing: if it sounds stupid, it's probably wrong. This sounds decidedly stupid.


A good way to check this one out is that in this sentence, it's essentially saying that two different people performed the same event. You could then break this sentence apart to say:


Her was married for 50-some years.
My grandfather was married for 50-some years.


You're saying the same thing. It's just rather verbose. It also illuminates the problem with this sentence. Her was married? Huh? This sounds like it's some kind of backwoods hick talking. "Her was my best sister-daughter."


So instead, put in a word that makes sense, like so:


She and my grandfather were married for 50-some years.


Doesn't that sound better?