Description by omission

I guess I can  understand now why this author does all her descriptions in place of pronouns rather than as part of the narrative. Check this out:

"This must be important to you," he said, not unkindly.

Um, that's not actually a description. That's like if someone said, "What do you look like?" and I replied, "Well, I don't have black hair, my eyes aren't yellow, and I'm certainly not a narwhal." I'm pretty sure a sketch artist would have a hell of a time figuring out what I look like from that description.

This makes no grammatical sense

He might of did something bad.

"Might of did"? Even people who suck at grammar know this is messed up.

Apologies for my absence

I've been woefully negligent of my poor grammar blog lately. I apologize. It's been a long couple of weeks here, what with life and stuff.

And as if that weren't enough, now I'm worried about getting raped by my lip gloss.

Is that really how you want to phrase that?

I'm editing for a husband and wife with a construction contracting business. The husband had this to say:


There’s just something magical when somebody takes what you’ve done for them and you give them something and they swallow. When they swallow, that means they accept.


And the response from the wife:


I also think that is a really nice way to say to people, “Thank you for your business.”


Yeah... 

You know this is going to be good

When the interview you're editing starts out like this:


Today I am thrilled to be speaking with Sheila and THEO, the 12 archangels for whom Sheila is a channel


you know it's going to be a good day.  

That would be clever...

These nutjobs I work for often claim to be doctors of holistic medicine. Except a lot of them instead say they're doctors of "wholistic" medicine. Get it? Because they're dealing with the whole body, so they're not just holistic doctors. They're wholistic doctors.


Thanks to Merriam & Webster, here's the definition of "holistic":


relating to or concerned with wholes or with complete systems rather than with the analysis of, treatment of, or dissection into parts <holistic medicine attempts to treat both the mind and the body>


Riiiight. So it's really super clever to say "wholistic" when "holistic" is the real word that means the same word and is pronounced the same way. 


Although, to be fair, they are nutjobs, and there are far more entertaining things I should be making fun of them about.

The clear whenner

We're talking about the outcome of a court case and whether there is a clear winner and loser in this particular instance.


The reason why they didn’t when, even if they felt they got money, is the amount of court costs.


Really? Really?

My's what?

A real company in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin, is named "Forever Your's Jewelry."

I can't even comment on that one.