It's too early for this

On page three of my new book I'd already hit a "little did he know."

Later, on page five, I learned about someone's "gyrating package."

Great. Just great.

Maroon or whatever

Hi, everyone. Here's a friendly spelling lesson.

Burgundy is a darkish reddish color.

Burgandy is the incorrect spelling of this word.

No.

Blond (male, n.)
Blonde (female, n.)
Blond (adj.)

No. I'm sorry. Just choose a fucking spelling and stick with it.

I suppose it had to be done

Have you ever been watching Game of Thrones or reading Song of Ice and Fire and thought, "You know what would make this better? If the sex and violence weren't so subtle and artistically rendered"?

Fear not, my friends. Imagine a world in which these works featured not humans but orcs.

Apparently that's what I'm reading right now.

How to use a semicolon

This is not hard.

Semicolons are used to connect two complete sentences.

Take two complete sentences, put a semicolon between them, and voila! You're a literary genius! I'm not sure why this baffles so many people; it's as easy as using a period.

Please get this right, guys. Please.

Allaween

Here's a real treat for you guys today. This is part of the glossary from the book I was just offered:

Representatyional sistem, the internal experience in the 5 sense ; seeing visual0 hearing (auditory) feeling 9kinestetic) tasting(gustatory) and smelling 9 olfactory

Neurolical level The logical level of experience environment behavior capability belief identity and spirit.

Limbic system a complex part of the brain include the hippocampus amidgala hipotalamus

Left hemisphere the left side of the brain responsabile for processing of logical informationlinear info Kinestethik

The sense of feeling tactic sensing physical internal body sensation emotional and esperience sensation.

Hemisphere of the brain referring to halves of the brain separated by the corpus callosum the righ from the left \Gustatory referring to the sense of taste Eye accessing cues, movement of the of a person’s eyes that indicate the representational system used Corpus callosum

that separate the left from the righ of the brain A network of fiber allaween the hemisphere to communicate between the wit each other Auditory the sense of earing

I did not change anything, including formatting. This is actually what I was given to edit. 

Note: allaween means "allowing." No, seriously. 

*Brain explodes*

The room is quiet as both of them sit in shocked silence as a clock ticks noisily.

Seriously, dude. Just read that again. Are you sure that's the sentence you want to go with there?