Demonstrations are still going strong in
At this point I'm thinking it's going to be a good article. This guy has successfully put a sentence together. Impressive.
It's getting to be a pretty familiar sight in the Madison area and around the state. Teachers, union workers and residents marching in solidarity to show support for public employees.
That second sentence is not a sentence. Perhaps what you meant to do was put a colon after the first sentence. That would be appropriate.
Residents of Mount Horeb are keeping the protest beat alive.
The very white protest beat.
“The drums went by my house. I didn't know about (the protest) until then, so we jumped up, hung up on the phone with my aunt, and jumped in,” said
Am I led to believe that she didn't say "the protest"? Is that why that's in parentheses? Because some journalists may argue that brackets are the common convention in this case, seeing as how people don't really use brackets for much else. Parentheses, on the other hand, are pretty common.
Also, are you going to use the serial comma or not? This is not something to alternate.
And who the hell is Elise Taft? Is she related to the former president Taft? Why do I care what she has to say?
The Mount Horeb police department says about 900 people showed up for the rally.
Police Department is capitalized.
“I'm totally impressed, I really love my town. Alright, Mount Horeb!” exclaimed Taft.
Fuck. The article has gone to hell. Comma splice aside, "alright" is not a word. It's two words. It is always two words. Do not let anyone every convince you it is one word. They are wrong.
They're making noise, letting governor Walker know they're not happy.
We should probably capitalize "Governor," although you may not want to. Also, could we say "and" instead of using that comma? Oh, right. You're showing off your personal style.
“It gives us a chance to be seen and to be heard,” said John Mutschler, president of the Mount Horeb Education Association
Look how he explained who John Mutschler is. Neato!
“We want people to hear that Mount Horeb is part of the cause and we're hoping that Walker is still listening and knowing that we are disappointed in him,” said Heather Dunne, president of the PTO.
Remember back when schools had a PTA instead of a PTO? Those were the good old days. Anyway, you have two separate sentences here that are joined by a conjunction. Perhaps you would like to use a comma--you know, since it's correct grammar and all.
“The more people that are here supporting the people of Wisconsin, the more our government will listen and hopefully we'll see change,” said Mount Horeb resident Brad Pierce.
The more people who are here supporting the people of Wisconsin. People are people. This should be one of those obvious times with this rule. Also, someone needs to go in and teach the NBC staff about the importance of commas when connecting two complete sentences with a conjunction.
Protesters say demonstrations like this are taking place in small towns all over the state. Here in Mount Horeb, they marched from the high school to downtown.
Protesters say this, but don't expect us to back it up with facts. Not like we're journalists or anything.
“Mount Horeb, Wisconsin, like many communities around the state just like this community, are going to be devastated and we want me people to take notice of that,” added Mutschler.
Here's a fun one. Offsetting commas indicate you could remove the phrase (in this case, "like many communities around the state just like this community") without drastically changing the meaning of the sentence. Let's try! "Mount Horeb, Wisconsin, are going to be devastated." The city are going to be devastated! I hope there are no cut to the education budget.
So then if you add the obligatory comma before the conjunction, you can fix this sentence. Oh, except for the fact that he says "we want me people to take notice of that." I guarantee he did not say that.
In governor Walker's budget proposal, public schools will lose nearly $900 million in state funding.
Again, please capitalize "Governor."
“I think the biggest thing that we are concerned about the future of education for our children,” said Dunne.
You're missing an important word here. Possibly "is."
The march up Main Street is also in opposition to the budget repair bill, which cut collective bargaining rights for most state employees.
Is Mount Horeb the troll city? I always forget.
“The fact that we are taking away their rights, I think is a disgrace,” commented Dunne.
This comma is baffling. If you're going to put a comma there, wouldn't you put another one after "I think"? This doesn't even make stupid sense. It makes no sense at all.
The budget repair bill may have been signed into law, but these protesters remain defiant.
I think "defiant" is the big vocabulary word for the article.
“We've lost the first battle and we need to keep waging the war,” said Pierce.
Go back to 7th grade when they teach you about commas and conjunctions. Stay there until you have this figured out.
“We haven't given up hope,” said Dunne.
This reminds me in "Titanic" when Rose says, "I'll never let go, Jack," and then promptly lets go.
“Overriding feeling, I think for most people is one of fear, they are very worried about what the future may bring,” said Mutschler.
Doesn't this just sum up the article? There's a random comma after "overriding feeling" with no follow-up comma after "I think" and a blatant comma splice. Also, did you forget the word "the" at the beginning of your sentence there? I sometimes forget that word too.
Police say the protest was peaceful.
What a fantastic and highly relevant concluding sentence.
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