Guess what?

One of the things I do is I take recorded interviews that someone has transcribed and turn them into articles for magazines and ezines. A magazine article needs to read like a magzine article, not like a conversation. The point is to get the information across in a neat and concise manner that doesn't sound like you're talking to your best friend on the phone.

I've probably brought this one up before because it drives me nuts. "Guess what" is not a question. It is a command. Just think about it. You're telling someone to do something. You want them to guess. You are not asking them to guess. If you were, this sentence would be constructed differently. It would be something like, "Can you guess what?" That sounds dumb too. This whole thing is dumb. "Guess what" is a filler that people use to bring attention to something else. It's completely unnecessary in written language. "I turned on my iPod, and guess what. A OneRepublic song was first again." See how stupid that looks in writing? That's because it is stupid. Don't type it.

Along the same lines is "You know what?" This is actually a question, so at least there's that. However, it's not a complete sentence. If you think about it, this sentence really doesn't make any sense. What you're really trying to say is, "Do you know what?" However, this is irrelevant because of the aforementioned reasons. This is a filler. It is not ever important to the rest of the written information. "You know what? I think I will become a shrimp boat captain." "I'm not watching the Braves game today because you know what? They're not playing." See how this is exactly the same as "guess what"? It is.

Do not transcribe this. Ever. Do not write this. Ever. It is unprofessional and annoying, and guess what. It pisses editors off.