Awesome news reporting

This is an example of an actual article printed on our local NBC news website. You would think journalists would be able to write at least remotely well, given the fact that they're journalists, but NBC does a nice job of proving that wrong. Some of their journalists have absolutely no grasp on the English language, let alone how to write well. Here's the article (with my notes).


Protestors Speak Out Against Gov. Walker's Proposal
We're off to a great start with a word misspelled in the title.


Dozens of concerned citizens gathered Saturday protesting Governor Scott Walker's plan to save the state money.
Okay, I'll cut them some slack here. It would sound much better to say "to protest," and using the appropriate comma after "Saturday" would be another somewhat acceptable alternative. But whatever. Free pass because it's not technically wrong. It's just bad writing.

Walker's proposed cuts will force state workers to pay more for their pensions and health insurance coverage and takes away most collective bargaining rights.
This is two separate ideas about what the proposed cuts will do. Essentially, the writer is saying, "Walker's proposed cuts will force state workers to pay more. Walker's proposed cuts takes away most collective bargaining rights." Usually, when you have a plural noun, such as "cuts," you don't use the singular conjugation of the verb. This is not complicated. This is basic English. If you don't understand this, you cannot put a sentence together. I mean, you wouldn't say, "The girls goes to the store." That would be wrong. So why would you say, "The cuts takes"? Answer: you're not a good writer. 

Also, "health insurance coverage" is singular. You might want to make "pension" singular as well. You know, parallel structure and all.

Many public employees across the state are upset with Governor Walker. They're not happy with his plan and they're speaking up to make sure their voices are heard.
Comma/conjunction. They go together.

“This isn't about public employees, this is about the people of Wisconsin and we are not going to stand here and take, are we?” speaker Peter Rickman asked the crowd of about 50 people.
This is a comma splice on so many levels. "This isn't about public employees" is its own separate sentence. You can't smash it together with another sentence and then just stick a comma in there. That's illegal comma usage. Also, without the comma before your conjunction ("and"), this is also a comma splice. Double comma splice! That's definitely a major penalty (five minutes in the box).

Also, who is Peter Rickman again? Speaker for what? Is he the speaker for some important association or something? Since "speaker" isn't capitalized, I'm going to assume he's just some guy who is speaking.

Also, take what?

People gathered at the Memorial Union on the UW campus Saturday afternoon.
You probably should put "on" before "Saturday," but that's just stylistic.

“We are here today to rally students and workers together to fight to protect quality public services in Wisconsin,” said Rickman.
What an awesome paragraph. I'm going to take this opportunity to point out that all the paragraphs in this article are one sentence long, with a few super long two-sentence paragraphs to mix it up. 

The rally is in response to governor Walker's plan that he says would save the state $30 million through June and $300 million over the next two years. He believes by making workers' pay more for their pension and health insurance, he'll avoid any layoffs.
There's no excuse for shitty grammar like this. There's just not. You went to school for journalism. And why the hell doesn't NBC have an editor? Don't they realize they sound like absolute morons?

There are multiple problems with this paragraph. Of course, I'm appalled by the random apostrophe just floating around after the word "workers." Why would you think there was an apostrophe there? "Pay" is a verb. It is the verb in this sentence. Why the hell would you even think of putting an apostrophe after "workers"? This doesn't even work with the irritating and incorrect practice of trying to make words plural by adding an apostrophe ("the worker's"). This defies all logic.

Also, we usually capitalize titles here in America. You wouldn't say mr. Walker, just like you wouldn't say governor Walker. I guess he just forgot that halfway through the article.

“Scott Walker's proposed legislation is a direct attack on the entire UW community and so the UW community is standing together,” said Rickman.
Comma/conjunction. Seriously. Also, you really only need one conjunction ("and" or "so"). You don't quote every "um" and "ah" the interviewee says. You can use your journalistic authority to pick one conjunction.

For Rickman, the proposal hits close to home.
These paragraphs are so compelling.

”I grew up in a union family, a public service family. Public service is a noble thing and that we should respect the people who provide quality public services in Wisconsin,”
First off, why is the opening quotation mark backwards? Second, do you generally make a practice of ending sentences with a comma? Third, that second sentence is not a sentence. I know the writer is quoting someone here, but either he needs to discretely get rid of the "that" to make this a real sentence, or he needs to pick quotes that don't make the interviewees sound stupid. 

Governor Walker says the Wisconsin national guard is prepared to respond if there is any unrest among state employees. it's a move that doesn't sit well with these protesters.
I assume he forgot about the shift key partway through this paragraph. Generally, people capitalize the first word of a sentence. Also, the Army insists you capitalize its branches. And it's the Army. Do you really want to piss them off?

“Don't make the Wisconsin National Guard have to come out and fight Wisconsin citizens, nobody signed up for that,” said David Boetcher.
Oh, he remembered about the shift key again! Awesome. Maybe he's hoping his renewed capitalization skills will detract from the comma splice. And the fact that we have no idea who David Boetcher is. Seriously, does anyone know who David Boetcher is? Is he connected with the National Guard? Is he some random guy off the street? Who the hell is he, and why should I care what he has to say?

Walker is urging the republican controlled legislature to pass his proposal this week. These protesters say he's trying to do too much, too fast.
Republicans, like the Army, insist that you capitalize their party name. Also, you need a hyphen in there. It's a senate that's controlled by the Republicans, which means the adjective is "Republican-controlled," not "controlled." Also, even though you may deliver your lines with Ron Burgundy-esque inflection, there is no comma before "too fast." Normal people wouldn't pause there.

“He's trying to do this so fast so Wisconsin can't react. If he was really honest about this and thought this was a great idea, give it two or three months let people express their opinion,” added Boetcher.
This goes back to before with the quotes thing. This is a bad quote. It makes the interviewee sound bad. Of course, I don't know who the interviewee is, so I may not care. 

Governor Walker said yesterday at a press conference that this move shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone.

Best sentence of the entire article.

It was actually one of his campaign promises.
Can't you just imagine these last two paragraphs being read on air? The writer had to make them two separate paragraphs to really emphasize the dramatic pause between the two sentences. Again, Ron Burgundy approves.

There's just no excuse for bullshit like this. You're a "professional" news organization. Hire a fucking editor.

Of course, this is also the news station that published an article in which it discussed someone who was "balling her eyes out."